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Thursday, May 19, 2011

Sad People at the Liquor Store


Many of us frequent the liquor store, but there are those individuals that REALLY frequent the liquor store. Their shadows are almost permanently fixed upon the hard liquor aisles and Argentinean wine sections. They make you second guess your decision to buy booze and any choices that contributed to that conclusion.
These same sad people all seem to have common traits and can be categorized into depressing character groups.
Here are some common examples.

The Disheveled Fighting Couple

liquorstorefight Sad People At The Liquor Store
This couple is a mess all around. They’re constantly yelling at each other to hurry up and yet criticizing each other’s decision. They go off on tangents about jealousy and anything that inspires more arguing. You often think that one of the two could do better, until you hear the other one open their mouth. “They’re perfect for each other” is the conclusion you come to.

Business Woman Getting Her Daily Argentinian Comfort

liquorstorebuisiness Sad People At The Liquor Store
She’s very professional. This woman takes the shortest path to her bottle of Malbec, never diverting even slightly from her destination. She has no time for conversation, strictly business.

3 Stages Of The High School Party-Goer

1. Under-age
liquorstore Sad People At The Liquor Store
This kid will do anything to make sure he’s throwing up at your sisters party.
2. 30, But Still Knows How To Party Every Night
liquorstore2 Sad People At The Liquor Store
This guy still hasn’t given up the party spirit, or clothing. He’s gotten a bit mumble-y and doesn’t have time to talk to his girlfriend on his cell because she’s “wasting his time”.
3. Over-age
grumble Sad People At The Liquor Store
This guy is completely incoherent. He’s in and out with his twelve of Budweiser, while managing to verbalize a mere two grunts at the check out. On a positive note, he listen’s to his girlfriend now, who can be quite demanding. Her name is Larissa.

The Old Witch-Like Lady

liquorstorewitch Sad People At The Liquor Store
She’s a determined one, but doesn’t hesitate to stop and chat (with herself) after pushing you aside to get her vodka.

The Guy Who Looks Homely, But Not Enough To Remove From The Store

liquorstorealmosrealthomeless Sad People At The Liquor Store
This guy resembles stage 3 of the high-school party-goer if he’s gotten into some bad drugs. He’s dirty but not quite filthy enough to be considered a vagabond, and therein lies the mystery.

The Guy Who Crossed That Line

liquorstorehomeless Sad People At The Liquor Store
This guy is likely homeless and can be recognized by his distinct combination of odors: Street and sadness. He keeps to himself, but is likely to be removed.

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