Thursday, May 19, 2011

Top Five Way to Cure Your Easter Hangover

Another easter has come and left you a useless mess on Monday morning. I think we all finally realize why Monday used to be a holiday (a day to recover from your near lethal doses of sugar and booze). Now the real question is, how do you get over this miserable, stinky, garbage-rat-sewer of a day?
I’d be lying if I were to tell you that there is one cure for everyone under this puke green sky, but I’ve narrowed a list down to the following remedies. Surely one of these methods will have you jumping out of bed and right into your favorite bean bag chair.

The hair of the bunny that bit you

Not only do you need more booze as soon as possible, but you need it mixed with candy somehow. There are few actual drinks that require the use of sugary treats, so you can either be brave and experiment or have some Skittles Vodka. If this doesn’t cure you, it’s probably your own fault.
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Who put coffee in my Gatorade? A wise man

Are you at seven eleven yet or would you rather just hate yourself all day? Get down there, grab a big gulp cup and fill it with their finest brew about half way (to avoid caffeine withdrawal). Fill the remaining half with a combination of grape Gatorade and caramel flavoring (for some flavorful hydration!). Having doubts? Just take a look at my grandpa who’s been doing it every Easter Monday for 60 years!
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Shout at the Demons until they go away

A Long time ago, in a land moderately close to here, hangovers were thought to be demons haunting your brain. Metaphorically, this still rings true today, but will shouting actually make you feel any better? Nope, so please don’t take your hangover anger out on other people. Have some vitamin C instead!
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Sleep Anywhere and Everywhere

You can sleep anywhere,
You can sleep everywhere,
On your buddy’s couch,
Or under the stairs,
In a Kangaroo’s pouch,
Or in the arms of a bear,
You can sleep anywhere
Just don’t sleep on your back or you might joke on your own vomit and die just like John Bonham!
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Flux Capacitor

Necessary for time travel my friend. Really the only sure way to cure your hangover is to prevent it from happening. By this time, you’ve already had your fun, and its only a past version of yourself that’s going to give up a party for a quiet night in with scrabble. Just try to avoid making out with your mom like Marty McFly.
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